The Simple Wonders of a Willow tree

Hello! For a while now I’ve been thinking of an idea for a potential story, and I’ve just recently started writing it.
I’ve currently written up to the second chapter, and I would love your opinions on it. I’ll post the story in moderation since the chapters are quite long. I’ll just give you guys some background on the story because its sort of ambiguously written.
It’s set in America but in the future, recently resources have been running out which has put most of the world’s richest countries in severe debt, hunger and starvation. The story picks up from there.

But please tell me what you think and be honest, and give as much criticism as possible please! šŸ™‚


Smokeless fire burns through each single stripe searing the patriotism as the crackling flames cheerfully disperse. In response Hushed murmurs escape into the crispy ambience collapsing against the thick, thrashing steps of existing citizens whom are haunted by their shadows. Silence is surreal until the sudden lapse of a crowded judgement occurs through the ceasing sounds of airplane components. There is nothing but deprivation, deprivation from a sense of protection amongst them as they converge past the decrepit skyscrapers showered with soot and chilling imagery of what occurred. The children’s eyes shed tears with an urge for a voice to speak yet only one frail cry shakingly comforts her child and ambles on. The child adorns the scene as she wisps in a smooth and unwavering manner though her dainty wings to only some visible cling to the enfolds of her father’s crumbled sleaves. A chain of minors follow on the wordless orders of their carers into the vast opening of endless lanes, where a shadowless figure bellows in a way that no child perceives what is said but yet are able to recognise the mesmerising presence their young lives have made. All are rushed amongst the sloping trail leading to the somewhat visible figure who eyes each one of them in turn sceptically followed by an assuring nod. As the ten children are freed from their parents grip, the man turns away and a thin line of ink splashes on a chartered document causing an unstable cheer to unnerve each child’s security. An inaudible utterance erupts amongst the surface of the clustered group as the same vulnerable voice softly consoles her child whilst brushing away her own tears as the thoughts of the doctrine and the subtle years to follow shade her mind. In dispute, closing her eyes is forced in the painted desperation of hope to help.


2 thoughts on “The Simple Wonders of a Willow tree

  1. It’s really good, I love the vocabulary and description you’e used, and I really want to find out what happens next! For improvement, I think you have used a bit TOO much descriptive language it’s slightly overwhelming, it underplays what’s actually happening. šŸ™‚

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