The art of dreaming…

The soft gleam of whispery light seeps in from a slight shift in the blinds, hovering over my lamp light and stretching out above the ends of my hair. My finger tips pinch at the floating bits of light as they glide through the air, feeling the intangible touch of their magical airiness. My wardrobe door creaks open awaiting for me to enter yet I remain still, hunched in the corner gazing somewhat expectantly at the surface of warmth lying at eye view across my room. A smear of night blinds my view, shadowing me away from the drifting brightness so desperately trying to glisten through, but to now avail, the light surpasses and my eye lids droop. My skin eases out the folds on my forehead, the heavy bags under my eyes lightly sleep against the purple shadow looming in on my upper cheeks. My legs tense then freeze, my mind quickens then stops, I blink twice then lose, I lose all sense of willingness, all sense of control. Sleeping succumbs me to an inevitable daydream forcing me into a place where my thoughts always feel tested. I lay back awaiting the moment my eyes will open again and when they do will I still see the light draining away from my golden eyes?

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6 days of an awkward turn of events

So the past 6 days have been like a roller coaster ride, everything’s been pretty unexpected but luckily things have now simmered down.
I’m going to go through each day in turn, if you read to the end then thank you 🙂 if you don’t I won’t hold it against you XD I totally understand…

Saturday
was initially a pretty good day because I went out with my mum to our local town centre and it was really nice to spend time with her. We went out in the light snow and it was really soothing, I also got some nice things from town: a lovely leather book, a new pretty floral lamp and a pair of really cute knee high socks. I also got a really cool tissue designed as a £10 note, they were giving them away at the bank and I thought it was just awesome…

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Cool right?

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Later in the day… was really nice because I did some more painting on a canvas I’m currently working on and I think it’s starting to come along, so I was really pleased about that. However, during the evening I received a really hurtful message from someone I thought I knew quite well, so that really upset me for a while but my parents were very sweet and supportive and helped me through it. They reminded me what a great person I am and that I shouldn’t pay any attention to silly sadistic messages sent by people who wish to hurt me. In reflection I’m proud to know I have the strength to ignore horrible things like that and to continue looking forward.

Sunday:
Was pretty quiet, the day went by pretty fast in a complete daze. I mainly relaxed and stayed calm which was nice. I did a lot of doodling in my mind journal to soothe myself which was fun. Also I got nominated for the sisterhood of the world bloggers award which I’m still raving about because it’s my first blog nomination ever and it really cheered me up on sunday so it was a really good day 🙂

Monday:
Was a worrisome day for me especially in the morning before school because It reminded me about the message I received earlier so I was very anxious about school and seeing that person who had sent it as well as being alone. However the day got much brighter because my friends comforted me with what had happened and really made me feel a whole lot better than I had before. They lifted up my spirits by telling me how better off I was with that person being completely separated from my life now, and they’re there for me whenever I need them. I’m very thankful to have them. My best friend outside of school really cheered me up too 🙂 when I came home from school I realised how relieved I was to not be in such an unhealthy and disruptive friendship like I was before because I would often come home finding myself triggered by the things that person would say, which would stir the sad feelings in my system so I’m so happy that God has guided me and given me this push in the right direction by taking out the people I don’t need from my life.

Later in the evening…
I prepared my British souvenir package for my pen-pal which I hope she really likes 😀 I sent her an Easter card since its Easter Sunday at the end of this week, along with a big cadbury bar. (Since she’s never tried a cadbury bar before :0 ) as well as a box of cadbury creme eggs, a box of Yorkshire tea (she absolutely loves tea and is dying to try Yorkshire tea!) and a packet of jelly beans (which she adores) it was so much fun preparing this package!!!

Tuesday
Was okay. A little boring but pretty mediocre to be frank, I had no lessons at school just ‘skill sessions’ which were slightly helpful but not a lot of fun 😦 however in the evening I became really unwell, as I started getting a massive headache and horrible pains in my stomach, as well as a dreadful cold. So I was pretty sleepy and bored 😦

Wednesday
I had a day off from school because I was still feeling a bit under the weather. When I’m unwell I like to doodle in my journal to distract myself, and so that’s what I did and it was really fun and therapeutic. Also one of my tumblr friends drew this really cute picture of me on her computer:
(With my tumblr URL at the bottom)

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It’s a small sweet gesture that really cheered me up 🙂
Also my beautiful and lovely mum knowing how much I love home decorated sweet jars – bought me a couple packets of jelly beans and filled a jar with all of them. She then decorated the jar with some really cute stickers and gave it to me as a gift to cheer me up for me only. My brothers were a little jealous, but obviously I did share my sweets with them, being the nice and oh so caring sister that I am XD

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Thursday:
Has been pretty good, today I broke up from school for the holidays, and because it was the last day of term there was a half day and mufti (wearing our own clothes to school) and my really cool friends invited me to go to Starbucks with them which was really sweet. I love Starbucks, we also went to McDonald’s which was extremely unhealthy but delicious! I had been dying to try a frappuccino and it was so good!!! I also had a really rich dark chocolate and chilli petite which was just delicious XD

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I just feel really good coming out of these past 6 days because there have been things which have upset me and pushed me back a little but then these small sweet little gestures that have given me that push to walk forward again and keep going. I know it may seem lame for me to take them so to heart but they really mean a lot to me because they’re the things which have made me smile when I had felt like crying or suppressed my sadness in those desperate moments. So I’m pleased, I’m relieved and I’m content with what I have and what I’m doing and where I’m looking

thank you for reading 🙂

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

I’ve just been nominated my first blogging award ever!!! By the incredible Nanacathy whose lovely and very nice blog you can find here

Thank you again Cathy!!!

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And these are the rules:

▪ Provide a link and thanks to the bloggers who nominated you.
▪ Answer 10 questions.
▪ Nominate 10 blogs that you find a joy to read.
▪ Provide links to the blogs and inform the recipients they have been nominated.
▪ Include the award logo within your post.

10 questions to answer:

1. Your favourite color? — sea green
2. Your favourite animal? — Koalas (they are so cute *.*)
3. Your favourite drink? — lemonade
4. Facebook or Twitter? — I have neither but in my opinion I think Facebook is more useful
5. Your favourite pattern? – polka dots!!!
6. Do you prefer getting or giving presents? – Giving definitely 🙂
7. Your favourite number? – 4
8. Favourite day of the week? – Saturday (my lazy day)
9. Favourite flower? – bluebells
10. What is your passion? – Writing, art, baking, reading books, my family etc. 🙂

10 blogs which are a joy to read:

1. bunny and porkbelly

2. 5kidswdisabilties

3. a opinionated man

4. maylawinter

5. Fillandra

6. Russell Deasley

7. irishcsred

8. happsters

9. the hidden side01

10. edibles and travels

Pen-pal c:

I’ve been so excited this week to receive my very first letter from my pen-pal and today it finally came!!!!

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I’ve wanted a pen-pal for so long now and now I’ve finally found one!!!
My pen-pal lives in America, she’s 16, and she’s into most of the same things I like e.g writing stories, reading books and baking, she also really loves tea!

I can’t wait to start writing my letter to her 🙂

Anyone else have/had a pen pal? Where are/were they from???

Infinite Sky

So I literally just finished reading Infinite sky by C.J. Flood

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It was initially the lovely book cover which drew me towards it but the moment I read the blurb I felt intrigued and curious as to what the story was like. It’s a coming of age story about Iris, a thirteen year old girl who’s left confused by the unexplained departure of her mother and the weak strain her father has over her and her older brother Sam. Things don’t get much better when a family of travellers set up an illegal camp right in front of their farm. However, iris is unwilling to succumb to the prejudice her father and Sam have towards them and instead opens up to the traveller boy Trick who challenges all the stereotypes she has heard. Events only run deeper from there as Sam starts going off the rails and her father’s patience with the gypsies soon wears thin.

This story may seem simple and rather light at first but there’s a whole lot more meaning to iris’s innocent outlook than there may seem for sometimes it takes a child to see what’s real and what’s not.

I can safely say I really enjoyed this book and it touched me unlike any other book has as it made me think of my own relationship with my older brother which is slightly similar to the characters in the book. What I loved most about this book was that the characters were real and true and it’s very difficult to find a book which can truly portray that authenticity.

Therefore I award Infinite Sky

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Just life :)

For a while now I’ve been lying to myself about a lot of things, deep down I knew this but I tried so hard to suppress it all and move on. I realise now that I can’t do that, a lot of people, a lot of very close people will tell me I’m strong and I can do this. But what does that really mean? They’re just words, I can’t just become strong and say I can do this, because I’m not sure what ‘it is’ they’re expecting me to do. When I was younger I saw things much differently, I didn’t understand why I got the feelings I did, and why I did the things I did, just that I was upset and I wanted it to leave my mind. Now, knowing how serious my actions were, it scares me, it makes me think about my past like I’ve never thought about it before and it’s difficult to suppress it. I cry a lot, I was actually just crying like 10 minutes ago because I felt confused and alone. I feel alone a lot, even when I’m around friends I feel alone, because I know they don’t understand and perhaps the friendship I’m giving them is a bit too much than they bargained for. Friends have a huge impact on how I feel, I mean with family I’m used to them and the things they do are permanently engraved into my mind so it’s easy to not be aware of them too much. But with friends it’s not as easy, little comments they make which they probably don’t take much notice of hurt like little sharp needle pricks on my skull, after a while I convince myself I don’t care but then I know I do and then all those little things build up and every time I see their faces it reminds me of every little comment they made that hurts. They say I hurt them but I don’t mean it and it makes me hurt so much, and I wonder if they realise the impact they have, the pain they unintentionally induce on me, if they did would they still do it? I’m taking a step back in life and I’m starting again, I’m concentrating on only three things from now on:

1. God
2. Myself
3. Studying

Nothing more and nothing else, people can wait as I move on and maybe one day I’ll become me again, the me I should have become if I never broke down so many times, the me who would have smiled so easily without second thoughts, who would’ve not thought so much about the way others treated her, the me I wish I could be.
I hope one day I find a friend, a true friend who makes me forget about the bad stuff and doesn’t add to it, who is there for me when I need them, who doesn’t see me as crazy. I am yet to meet that friend and perhaps I never will but at least I can hope.

The Goose Girl

A few days ago I finished reading The Goose Girlby Shannon Hale

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The story’s about Ani, a princess whose been brought up to be the future queen of her kingdom. However, after the death of her father, the queen sends away Ani to be betrothed to the prince of a neighbouring kingdom in a martial alliance. After a series of betrayal and deceit, the princess finds herself lost in unknown land, hiding her royal blood as a goose girl…
I found The Goose Girl to be a really light and enjoyable read, that is beautifully written with a fairytale like quality. If anyone has read and enjoyed Dragonfly by Julia Golding I’m sure you’ll equally love this too as both books are very similar 🙂

Therefore, I award The Goose Girl

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Wreck this Journal

I’ve heard a lot about a ‘wreck this journal’ recently and since I’ve had nothing productive to do for a while I went out and got one of my own.
They’re really cool and challenging, you see the book’s filled with prompts on how to wreck each page whether that’s by spilling your tea over or by splatting paint across the pages. Since I love my books and try to keep them in the best condition as they were bought in, this book challenges that entirely as it forces you to get messy.

the front cover

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my first challenge

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the title page

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my second challenge

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