HELP!

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Things haven’t been going so well recently, I’ve been in a dark place for so long now and it’s been getting worse. I don’t feel good at school anymore, I’m so scared to even go, everyday I feel like staying home locked in my room away from everyone and everything. I’ve been trying so hard to make friends at school, I really have. I’ve been nice and friendly, I’ve tried to sit with people at lunch and make conversation but I know they can only be polite to a certain extent before they start wanting me to leave, and it hurts. I feel so alone and isolated from everyone. I go to school, I try to focus in class, and during lunch I eat my lunch by myself and then read a book alone and that’s how it is everyday for me now. It’s strange how you can go from having really good friends to having none at all, but then I guess I never really had good friends after all they were just acquaintances or false friends. I cry when I get home, I get frustrated that I can’t seem to do anything about it and I’m trapped. I always feel empty and sad, when I laugh it’s fake, when I smile it’s forced, and people don’t understand. I know people out there have it a lot worse but I can’t seem to control how I feel anymore, no matter how much I try I can’t seem to be happy.
It got really bad on the weekend, I just collapsed and cried for ages, and I was scared, I hit really low. My mum being worried, told the school about all of this, I was initially worried about that but the teacher was supportive so I feel a bit more hopeful now. She listened to me, and said she understood and gave me some advice so that was very helpful.

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I also went to see a doctor yesterday, she listened to how I felt and said that I am most likely
depressed I may have moderate/severe depression. It kind of worries me, but I also feel a bit better knowing that I may have a mental illness, because I feel like I’m beginning to understand why I feel the way I do. I’m being referred to a counsellor, I hope I get someone nice, there may be a waiting list but both the school and doctor have sent an urgent message so hopefully I’ll get a placement soon. Also today, a friend of the family came over, he’s a very nice man and he listened to how I felt and told me to be brave and ignore everything horrible other people say because it’s all petty and insignificant. He said he would help me, and pray for me, I feel better to know someone cares. I should stay true to myself is the best thing to do he said. So that’s what I’ll do.

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11 thoughts on “HELP!

  1. I CARE! this made me so sad. 😦 i’m so glad i’m your friend so i can try and make you feel better.:) x i hope my letter makes you smile. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

      • Thank you so much ❤ I'm reaaaaaaallly glad to have you as a friend. You're really awesome c: thanks for just being here to talk to me, it really has made a difference to how I feel c:

      • I’m so glad. 🙂 *air hugs* my mum had mild depression a few years ago so although i don’t know what you’re going through..i still know how hard it must be. 😦 xxxxxxxx will send your letter today. but do you know something..the envelope fits into the category of a small envelope however it is thicker than it should be so i need to send it as if it was a large envelope..would two first class stamps cover that? xx

      • Awh *air hugs* I’m really happy that you understand, I’m glad you don’t think I’m weird or anything because I have been worrying that if people found out they would definitely not want to be my friend anymore. I told someone about it once and then she stopped being my friend because of it i think so I feel really anxious about telling people but I’m really glad that you know, because you’re reaaaaally nice 🙂
        Hm..I think two stamps should cover it. Please don’t go through too much trouble over me though, you just thinking to send me a letter was sweet enough ❤

      • awwh ur so sweet! really? why would they do that? how is having depression and having a hard time over it ”weird”?! so i’m gonna put a large first class stamp on it and that should cover it. 🙂 xx
        your reaaaaally nice too. 😉

      • Awh thank you c:
        I guess so, it’s just some people don’t understand and when I confided in the person who was my closest friend they thought I was just being moody all the time when it’s not like that and I really don’t mean to but I guess people just don’t want to be around me because maybe it makes them frustrated that I’m sad most of the time and I guess it can be annoying being around someone who’s always sad. But I’m trying not to think about all that right now, I always think too much c:
        Awh that’s sweet. I reaaaaaally hope you like my letter to you, I’m going to make it absolutely perfect I promise! c:

  2. Sorry to hear you are feeling sad again or still maybe I should say. Hope your counseling can start soon, it is such a Godsend to talk to someone in total confidence when they have no agenda of their own. Go in with a open and honest mind and reflect on what you learn. Good luck! X

    • Thank you c: I really hope it all goes well. I’m feeling a bit better now, every day I’m feeling more hopeful for what’s to come. I just need to take each day one step at a time, and I’ll get through it hopefully c:

  3. Hi Marci.Pann,

    I read this post right after you publish it but haven’t had the chance to comment it until now.
    I suppose saying that depression at 16 or 17 years old is quite normal and part of the growing up process, wont help.
    We, the ones who are older than you, have gone through exactly the same as you are now… don’t think you are unique. Not in regards to desperation and all negative adolescence emotions. But think of you as a unique human being because of all the things you are learning right now.
    You know what? Give yourself a big HUG and thank the depression for being with you now and again…. yeah, be grateful for being sad and depressed and angry and frustrated and disappointed and mad about everyone who should care about you and don’t. The friends you want to have and don’t have. The nice people you want to be surrounded by and not always is the case. Thank them all. Send love to them all.

    People are what you make of them. If you react, you’re giving them far too much importance and valuable inner energy from your good heart.

    Be wiser and rise above. Things will improve, they always do. But you need to make believe until they show up in your life. You do know what you want… start writing them down and visualizing them. You might even enjoy this process 🙂

    Love & Light to you from
    Tree Spirit

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