Firstly, I’m really sorry I haven’t posted in sooooooooooo long,
I’ve been pretty lazy, tired, and busy, all at The same time, but mostly lazy.
So since it’s been about a month since my last post, I suppose I should update on what’s been happening in my life so far,
School’s definitely stepping up with the work, I’m slowly getting crushed under all the weight of homework, but it’s not so bad if I remember to get it all done, good thing I have a diary then since my memory sucks.
The main thing that’s changed in the last month is my sleeping cycle, I’ve been sleeping a lot less than I used to, sometimes less than 5 hours, and then the next morning I’m both tired and not, I’m tired physically but my mind’s wide awake at least I think so…
My psychiatrist has been keeping a record on my sleeping patterns, I don’t think it’s looking so good, first she said were going to make sure it’s nothing physical so I’m going to have to go in for a blood test, (good thing I’m not afraid of needles) and then if it’s a mental issue I think I’m going to be upgraded to therapy, I really don’t want meds, that was the initial option but I don’t want to be reliant on drugs, even if they’re the good kind.
My physiatrist says I should get back to reading books, I’ve lost a lot of interest in what I used to like so I took her advice and I started reading the book the outsiders that a friend recommended. It’s actually pretty amazing, the characters are so dynamic, and relatable, and I feel sympathetic towards them all. There are two characters which really stood out for me though, soda pop and Johnny, soda pop reminds me of how I am on the surface, happy, cheerful, eccentric, and then Johnny is similar to how I am on the inside, jumpy, high strung, nervous, emotional, sensitive etc. and also completely reliant on people.
I never actually realised before, I’ve always thought of myself as being independent up until now, but I realise that Im Actually super dependent on people, I’m constantly around one person or another, constantly talking in some way or another, but then At home I think I’m more solitary, it’s easier to think about things when I’m at home, but everywhere else I tend to always be around someone, slightly strange or normal I’m not sure,
There’s quite a few things I’ve learned about myself recently, that I’m really clumsy when I always thought I was poised XD
That I thought I was in control of how I felt when to everyone else it’s pretty obvious how I’m feeling.
How I’m super immature and playful when I thought I was always serious
But then maybe I’m seeing two different sides to myself, the one other people see and the one I see, but then I’m Not so sure which is the real me, since I’m the type of person who tends to change how they act depending on the type of person they are with…
Me and my psych touched on this last week, ideas of identity etc,
I suppose it’s just something interesting to think about for now, sorry for the uninteresting post but hopefully next time I’ll have something much better to post about.